Why I Wrote This Book (Introduction). . . . . vi
God (Proof God is a Woman) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
The Women’s Names (A note about the women’s names). . 5
Too Much Is No Good (A note about sex in general). . . . . . .7
Grand Prix Fiancée (A woman tries to run me over). . . . . . . 9
Don’t Tell My Mom (My gig with Drew Carey) . . . . . . . . . . 27
First Date (The stupidest thing I ever said). . . . . . . . . . . . .39
The Package (An untimely gift in college). . . . . . . . . . . . . 47
Go To Your Own Class (Accused of “stalking” in college) . . 55
Lingerie Party (The Monkees hook me up with lingerie models) . 67
Seize The Moment (Facing a high school crush years later) . . 81
REJECTED! (A collage of my most embarrassing rejections) . 87
Women can Fight (Brett Butler and Rocky kick some butt) . . 101
Damn Blizzard (God spoils plans with a beauty via a blizzard) 107
Swoon (The trouble trixies can cause). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117
Rubber Band, Please (Too small for the job). . . . . . . . . . . 131
Nikki Cox-Goldthwait? (Meeting Nikki Cox). . . . . . . . . . . 139
Chivalry Ain’t Dead (A knight in shining armor gets no girl) 149
Spread ‘Em (Joan Cusack suggests a blind date) . . . . 161
The Bitter Friend (Rita Rudner’s cheap agent helps me out). . 175
The Bitter Babe (Women on the warpath against men) . . 187
With Friends Like These…(The friend who wants to be more) 199
Wild Times (The downward spiral to behaving like a jerk). . 217
Man in the Mirror (My gig with Damon Wayans). . . . . . . . 235
The Bonedigger (Meeting people in a city like Chicago. . . 247
Loose Ends (Conclusion). . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .265
