How to Ensure a Woman Returns Your
If I see one me article about how to get a womanís phone number, Iím going to punch someone in the face. Seriously; it wonít be the writer, just the next person I see. POW! Iíll punch them right in the face . . . then run away really fast.
When it comes to getting a womanís number, Iíve seen it all, from asking, ďwrite down your email, oh, and while youíre at it, put your number there, tooĒ (she knows what your up to) to literally demanding the number if she wonít give it to you. Then thereís the inevitable debate about when is too soon to call and when is too late; the standard is to wait between three to five days. There are scores of articles and discussions about how to get digits, and when to call; not one about how to make sure she returns your call, mostly because the experts donít have an answer. Getting digits doesnít mean squat. How many times have women not called back? Are you after a number or a date? I want a date; thus, I need her to return my call. So, I donít worry about getting digits.
I concern myself only with the conversationólistening to her and responding, inserting flirtatious comments when thereís an opening. If Iím still interested, I take something in the conversation and ask her out with it. For example, perhaps she mentioned she hasnít been to a basketball game in a while or wants to check out some new Italian restaurant. I suggest we goóďYou know that restaurant sounds really good. Letís check it out. How about next week?Ē or ďI havenít been to a b-ball game in ages, either; you know, I think the Bulls are in town next week, letís go to a game. Whatís your number? Iíll check the schedule and call you.Ē (I live in Chicago.) The typical answer is, ďAh, yeah, I think I can do that; I need to check my schedule first.Ē
I get the digits and continue the conversation. Why? Because I enjoy her company and because I come off like a hit and run driver if I rush off immediately after getting her digits. Also, itís quite possible that Iíll get something more than digits. If I realize nothing is going to happen that night, or that I donít want anything to happen, yet; a little later in the conversation I end it, tell her it was nice meeting her, and remind her I will be calling her about the game or the restaurant or whatever. Iíve accomplished a few things:
One, Iíve shown her that I am paying attention to her. A lot of guys focus too much on their game and not enough on the woman. In fact, many guys really arenít comfortable with women; theyíre comfortable with their game. Those are two very different things. Women notice this and one of their biggest complaints is that guys donít pay attention to them, more commonly stated as ďmen are clueless.Ē Two, Iíve made myself memorable. Who knows how many guys sheís going to meet the night I met her or between that night and the time I call? I need to stand out. Third, Iíve created a reason to call which involves a deadline; I donít have to worry about calling too soon and how she might interpret that because I have a clear reason. Fourth, Iíve practically guaranteed she will return my call because, if nothing else, there is a very strong chance she will feel obligated to call and cancel our tentative date. The bigger the first date I suggest, the greater the odds she will feel obligated to call me to cancel. Iíve suggested expensive theater, concerts, and the symphony as a first date; way too much but thatís where the conversation went. Fifth, Iíve come off showing lots of confidence, which women tend to prefer. Finally, with her return call, I have the opportunity to reconnect, which is what Iím really after.
I use this practice a lot. Itís been at least four years since a woman hasnít returned my call. When she does return my call and we reconnect, the result is me usually suggesting a simpler date, like a drink or dinner. I wonít pretend that Iíve always gotten the date; I havenít. I do get the date about eighty percent of the time, though. Those arenít bad numbersó100% returned calls and 80% dates from those calls. Like anything else, it takes practice. If you suggest something big like the symphony in the wrong way, youíll come off looking desperate, so start smaller. (My background is standup comedy; trust me, timing and delivery are far more important than the actual material.) If she talks about the symphony, for example, ask her if she likes other music; suggest an open mic night at a coffee house or something similar in reply.
This technique isnít based on them being women or manipulation; itís based on them being human and common courtesy. If, as a guy, I met you out tonight playing darts or something and you mentioned you were a huge Sox fan, and I told you I had a friend who might have a couple extra tickets to the game next Thursday and asked if you were interested, got your number and told you Iíd call when I knew for sure either way, would you not be expecting a call? Would you not return my call to decline or accept the tickets? One of the best things I ever learned was to treat a woman I liked as little like a woman as possible and as much like an average person I met, as possible. The more I like the woman, the harder that is to do; but, the more I like her, that is precisely when it is most important for me not to treat her differently.
Quit focusing on your game and getting digits; instead, focus on listening, responding, and getting a date. Youíre not in a race to get her number or to move on to the next womanóat least you shouldnít be; get comfortable with women, not your ďgame.Ē
Comedian Ian Coburn is the author of God is a Woman: Dating Disasters, which offers fresh, original dating and sex advice to both men and women via stories of his hilarious failures as a touring comedian and what he learned from those stories. The book spawned his dating advice column--"Lunch is Not a Date" and earned him a new gig as a relationship expert on Lifetime. You may visit the following for more information, including excerpts from the book and his column:
God is a Woman: Dating Disasters is available wherever books are sold.
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Article Submitted On: August 04, 2007
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